Posts Tagged ‘relationships


Don’t Get Trapped in Your Type

I know a guy – I’ll call him Ted (and that’s not him in the picture) – who only dates butch, oral, total gym rat bottoms one would find in a Tom of Finland drawing. Oh, and they should be naturally smooth. And wealthy. And from the Midwest would be good. And under 40, but over 30. I’ve got news: that guy’s busy.

In spite of the fact that Sam and I know a lot of single guys, I’ve never been good at matching them up. I have pointed Ted in the direction of a few quality guys, and the reply has been, “not big enough, not muscular, not butch enough, too old.” and this is from a guy who doesn’t even fit all of his own criteria. Continue reading ‘Don’t Get Trapped in Your Type’


Sam and I are Married (Again)

6:35AM Sam is in the shower and we’re getting ready to go into West Hollywood to be legally married in the state of California. We don’t really know what to expect: if it will be a circus or what, but we’re going to find out.

7:25AM Sam’s pulling up news. Obama just spoke in a clip. “I believe marriage is between a man and a woman,” he said. I don’t get it. So who says it’s between a man and a woman? The bible. Okay, what was thing about the separation of church and state again??? We’re leaving now.

Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life. – George Carlin

6:16PM We waited about 7 hours, and were married around 4pm. It was worth the wait a hundred times over. We are married husbands in accordance with the law of the vanguard State of California. Hooray! We did several interviews including one for the Japanese national news and another for one of the networks, in Spanish. I had no idea I’d retained so much. Thanks to my high school Spanish teachers, Rosaura Cantú and Ernesto Suarez. There were only a handful of haters there, but they disbanded after about two hours. We made some new friends in line, and generally speaking, it was a love fest. More details and photos to follow. Thanks to all for your love and support. xo, Billy


From the Edge of 17 to the Edge of 40

bphs.jpgI graduated from high school just a month or so after my 17th birthday. I felt as if life would never begin. I have always been impatient that way. I couldn’t imagine 30, much less 40.

In my delusional 20s, I was certain I’d make a dramatic splash of James Dean proportions, somehow leaving a lasting legacy and a beautiful corpse. I stopped dating girls, stopped fooling myself, and stopped lying to my family about being gay. I cheated on a good boyfriend. Mom beat colon cancer and it just seemed like some surreal role she was playing to increase her range. We all knew she’d kick it. Continue reading ‘From the Edge of 17 to the Edge of 40’


He’s Just Not That Into You

We have a friend who has been in a relationship with a woman for a significant number of years. We’ll call them Antony and Cleopatra.  She is madly and unabashedly in love with him, but he refuses to commit to marriage.

Recently, Cleopatra has been writing to me, asking us to urge the guy to pop the question. Beyond the casual and jocular “Hey, Antony, when are you going to make an honest woman of Cleopatra,” we’re just not going to do it, and anything more than that is intrusion. But, since she enlisted my opinion and advice, Continue reading ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’


The Guys With Whom I’ve Had Sex: Gregg

blondhbdrawing.jpgI never said my memory was perfect, or that my list was exhaustive. Clearly, I’ve forgotten Gregg, a storied stud from Ft. Lauderdale. I’ve added him to the original post, but here’s excerpt:

I dated some obnoxious guy in Miami Beach. I can’t even remember his name, but he kept a framed photo of his ex, some hot, 21 year-old blond guy named Gregg, by the bed. Once I even got off thinking about Gregg.

Continue reading ‘The Guys With Whom I’ve Had Sex: Gregg’


Keeping the Main Thing the Main Thing

I’m glad to see that the Huffington Post has loosened its collar a little bit, covering stuff other than politics. They push the limits a bit with some of the entertainment/gossip fluff, but their pop sociology beat is pretty impressive.

I don’t know if everyone is taking their cues from Lovesick Billy (kidding, of course), but suddenly there’s lots of chatter about monogamy, with the for and against voices coming out in strength.

Check out this Google search.

Scarlett Johannsen’s comments are idiotic, but hey, people are talking about where they get their itch scratched with a transparency that is unprecedented. Perhaps the Bush administration hasn’t banished all of America back to a Puritanical age after all.

I’ll be honest, I’ve tried it all kinds of ways, and without any judgments, I’ll conclude that for us, this morning’s Notes from the Universe says it better than I can:

If you ask me, Bronson, I’d say the main thing to keeping the main thing the main thing, is reminding yourself as often as you can of where the most joy will come from.
Ain’t no thing –
The Universe


The Guys With Whom I’ve Had Sex

brucela-27color.jpgI leafed endlessly through the men’s underwear section of the Sears catalog when I was 3. I recall it perfectly.

When I was 12, I loved a man, 33, who was doing me a lot of damage; our ‘relationship’ lasted 6 years.

I seduced a football player and a wrestler from my high school when I was 16. The wrestler, probably on steroids because he was impossibly muscular for 17, was big and gruff looking. He took to wine coolers and back rubs very, very quickly, and it wasn’t long before he discovered how much he loved getting ‘pinned’. Last I heard, he was a cop in Atlanta.

I found my high school quarterback’s sneakers in his gym locker and stole them. I returned them in his home mailbox, slightly more used. He wore them the rest of the semester.

I discovered my insane fascination with blonds thanks to a handsome 16 year old Swedish friend who was covered with blond fur, and had a Dad who looked just like him. His Dad didn’t like underwear. Shawn and I hung out in our boxers a lot, but there’s no more to tell. He was genuinely never into it, and I think genuinely fine that I was. He was really kind. He’s a fireman now.

I had a secret boyfriend in high school who died accidentally while experimenting with shooting up Valium. Continue reading ‘The Guys With Whom I’ve Had Sex’


I Love You, But…

A woman left her marriage, job, and country, all at once.

“Yeah, my husband and I had stopped having sex, so we went to counseling and figured out that we just don’t turn each other on. We don’t like to have sex… with each other.”

“He’s my best friend, and I love him so much, but we’re just not in love.”

Over the two months that this was taking place, she’d gone back from brunette to her natural, stunning blonde, recaptured the spring in her step, was laughing heartily in her business communication, and started dressing like she worked at Vogue… during Fashion Week.

“Of course it was hard at first,” she said, “but we both know it’s for the best. This way, we can both go out there and find the love we deserve.”

And you could really tell by looking at her, that she was right.

Billy’s Sorted Past

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