Posts Tagged ‘life

09
Aug
08

Friends are Like STDs (Except Better)

The first time I heard the platitude about friends being in our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime, I just about gagged. It’s like a Hallmark expression left out of the fridge overnight. So, I’d like to offer a new point of view: Friends are like Chlamydia, Syphillis, Herpes, or Hepatitis C.

Friends who are like Chlamydia are in your life for “a reason”. You can recall exactly the moment you came in contact with them, and the choices you made to make it a somewhat lasting relationship. You’re sure to learn something, go somewhere new, and perhaps most importantly, know much more clearly what you do and don’t want in an STD – er, I mean a friend. You may or may not be glad you met, but one thing’s certain: you’ve learned something. And then they depart, (perhaps) never to be seen again.

Friends who are like Syphilis, Continue reading ‘Friends are Like STDs (Except Better)’

21
Jul
08

I Am Reminded That I’m Gay When…

I have a 24-pak of candelabra-base, flame-tip light bulbs in the garage, and I can offer almost any other sized bulb in two different color temperatures. Continue reading ‘I Am Reminded That I’m Gay When…’

19
Jul
08

10 Things I Should Have Been Taught in High School

  1. Fools usually want to be fooled.
  2. The road to hell is paved with credit cards.
  3. Exercise and flossing are a pain in the ass, but they beat obesity and food through a straw.
  4. Go to college. Period. It makes up for the shitty education you got in grade school, and besides, you’re not as grown-up as you think you are.
  5. It’s up to you, and not your parents, what you major in, compete in, and put your dick in.
  6. Trust your instincts, and hone them with the mistakes you make by not trusting them. Continue reading ’10 Things I Should Have Been Taught in High School’
03
Jul
08

Granny, I Hardly Knew Ye

I never met my Father, who was killed by a teenage drunk driver on Valentine’s Day, on the 610 loop in Houston. He’s buried in Conroe, Texas, and I haven’t been there to see him – or rather his stone – and anything beyond an incidental visit while in Houston seems a monumental waste of time and money, replete with irony: flying to see a monument to a man, in death, who never lifted a finger to see me, in life. I do have his face, essentially, a few pictures of him, an old home movie, and the flag under which he was interred, but that’s about it.

When I was 19 and on hiatus (read: suspended for a semester) from the University of Florida, I took my suddenly free time to visit Lake Charles, Louisiana, meet my grandparents, uncles, aunt, and cousins, and actually live in Houston with my uncle Charlie, Jr. (a man who made a living with a Continue reading ‘Granny, I Hardly Knew Ye’

17
Jun
08

Sam and I are Married (Again)

6:35AM Sam is in the shower and we’re getting ready to go into West Hollywood to be legally married in the state of California. We don’t really know what to expect: if it will be a circus or what, but we’re going to find out.

7:25AM Sam’s pulling up news. Obama just spoke in a clip. “I believe marriage is between a man and a woman,” he said. I don’t get it. So who says it’s between a man and a woman? The bible. Okay, what was thing about the separation of church and state again??? We’re leaving now.

Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life. – George Carlin

6:16PM We waited about 7 hours, and were married around 4pm. It was worth the wait a hundred times over. We are married husbands in accordance with the law of the vanguard State of California. Hooray! We did several interviews including one for the Japanese national news and another for one of the networks, in Spanish. I had no idea I’d retained so much. Thanks to my high school Spanish teachers, Rosaura Cantú and Ernesto Suarez. There were only a handful of haters there, but they disbanded after about two hours. We made some new friends in line, and generally speaking, it was a love fest. More details and photos to follow. Thanks to all for your love and support. xo, Billy

04
Apr
08

From the Edge of 17 to the Edge of 40

bphs.jpgI graduated from high school just a month or so after my 17th birthday. I felt as if life would never begin. I have always been impatient that way. I couldn’t imagine 30, much less 40.

In my delusional 20s, I was certain I’d make a dramatic splash of James Dean proportions, somehow leaving a lasting legacy and a beautiful corpse. I stopped dating girls, stopped fooling myself, and stopped lying to my family about being gay. I cheated on a good boyfriend. Mom beat colon cancer and it just seemed like some surreal role she was playing to increase her range. We all knew she’d kick it. Continue reading ‘From the Edge of 17 to the Edge of 40’

23
Jan
08

Driving from the Back Seat

The air at home has been thick with philosophical discussions of late, mainly about where we are and why we are here. A decade in Los Angeles can have that effect.

I learned at a very early age that L.A. is the center of the entertainment universe, and longed for it ever since. When I moved here, at 29, I thought it was the be-all and end-all, and it is. There’s almost nothing that you can’t be here in L.A., given the drive, luck, youth, beauty, opportunity, and talent – usually in that order. Take your pick of any activity in snow, forest, mountains, beach, vineyard, or city, and it’s within a couple hours drive or a couple of phone calls to make it happen. It’s a place where you really can have and do it all, and as my Mom always said, “People who can have it all, usually do,” which can make for a formidably interesting, but exhausting schedule, and for the less than careful, it can be their undoing.

86mazda626a.jpgIt’s that kind of excitement that brought me to Los Angeles: the same excitement I once got from my first drinks, my first drugs, my first screws, and that time on I-75 when I set the cruise control in my 1987 Mazda 626 Turbo and slid over and drove from the passenger side… and then from the back seat. You get a big rush from possibility, power, and invincibility, even when it’s imaginary, and that rush is part of what makes this town tick.

Continue reading ‘Driving from the Back Seat’




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