Posts Tagged ‘Hillary Clinton

27
Aug
08

Pro-Hillary “Nobama” Elizabeth Joyce Milks Her 15 Minutes

Whether it was the five-minute standing ovation, her monumental speech, or the freshly-coined phrases like, “No way.  No How.  No McCain,” there is no doubt that Hillary Clinton threw her full support behind Barack Obama, and set the DNC on fire last night.  Plus, Chelsea looked fabulous.  It’s hard to believe that everyone wouldn’t be on board after such a night.  And the ‘big guys’ haven’t even spoken yet.

But just when you thought Hillary’s “Twin Cities” joke was the funniest of the night (and it was hysterical), along comes presumed posterchild and mousy malcontent Elizabeth Joyce on Larry King Live.  Leader of donation-requesting, lunatic fringe website Just Say No Deal, Ms. Joyce gave a hatter-mad interview, using SNL-worthy darting eyes, sudden sharky smiles, and shrill, self-absorbed suggestions that her party flip-flop was born of campaign trail antagonism.  Cry me a river, honey.  Thank God Tivo allowed Sam and me to fall out with laughter at this several times before going to bed, and that YouTube can bring it to you here.

Something from the DSM-IV?  Racism?  Fatigue?  Stage fright?  Unrequited lesbian obsession?  You decide.

Continue reading ‘Pro-Hillary “Nobama” Elizabeth Joyce Milks Her 15 Minutes’

23
May
08

Hillary Clinton Has Lost Her Cotton-Picking Mind

“We all remember Bobby Kennedy was assassinated in June in California.”

The high in Sioux Falls, SD was only 63 yesterday, so she isn’t crazy from the heat. The ongoing stress of the campaign? Lack of nookie? Freudian slip? What else would have made Hillary depart utterly from sanity and good taste and infer that she might still have a shot if somebody had one for Obama?

Let’s be honest, it’s the great big elephant in the room. We’ve all worried about it, or at least I have, but I’m not running for office.

Maybe W will learn how to spell the word now. Ass. Ass. I. Nation.
Not even he could get that wrong.

Continue reading ‘Hillary Clinton Has Lost Her Cotton-Picking Mind’

07
Jan
08

The Presidential Candidates from Central Casting

Reading in bedWe like our Presidents to look like they came from central casting. Mitt Romney looks like every filmic President you’ve ever seen. Five years of White House stress and anxiety will put a Charlie Sheen weariness on his face like nothing else, and don’t you think he’s not counting on that. We also like them to be aging jocks, hunky daddies even, still married to aging, MILFy cheerleaders, both still fit enough for us to be able to squint and revisit their beauty, if only for a moment. We particularly love the big, seemingly cloned family, which somehow reassures us that there will always be lots of American varsity wet dream goo in our gene pool.

On that note, Bill Clinton has the hunky daddy thing down cold, and if that plainly phallic nose isn’t enough to set one speculating on size, one need only recall the sticky blue dress to be reminded of the Clinton virility. So far, those of us firmly in the Daddy Clinton camp have longed for those days so much that we transferred our lust onto the slightly dowdy, PE teacheresque Hillary. Sam and I really came to this realization this past weekend, when she got her ass handed to her by Obama. But no matter, because Mrs. Rodham is smart, good at volleyball, and no matter how quirky the ol’ gal was, we know that we owe a portion of our present health to something she instilled in us long ago when we were young and impressionable. Continue reading ‘The Presidential Candidates from Central Casting’




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