Posts Tagged ‘fantasy


Off-Beat Porn: Suits

This is easily one of the most interesting videos I’ve found on YouTube. With over 18,000 views, and totally SFW, I promise you that somebody finds this intensely erotic. Maybe you.


Off-Beat Porn: Muscle Worship

I’ve recently rediscovered, on YouTube, a load of videos that show far less anatomy than anything in our porn collection. They don’t even get their shorts off. They’re muscle worship videos, and this jaded, seen-it-all porn aficionado is happy to report that “less filling” tastes great. One’s imagination, or ability to fetishize body parts, is powerful enough to turn a SFW vid clip like the one below with Zeb Atlas and Mark Dalton, into something surprisingly, er, uh, satisfying.  Here’s the clip. Continue reading ‘Off-Beat Porn: Muscle Worship’


Hot Canadian Mountie Sex

File this under hot uniform action.

According to the UPI wire, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police in Victoria, British Columbia has ordered the resignation of Constable Trent Richards, 34, who admits to having had sex at least 15 times with at least four women, while on duty.

Evidently he posted his profile on internet dating sites offering “sex with a hot cop” and posted his photo in uniform. Woof.

Even after Richards was notified he was the center of a conduct investigation, he continued to have on-duty sex as recently as 2006. Now that’s dedication to purpose.

Continue reading ‘Hot Canadian Mountie Sex’


Superman Saved My Sex Life

131665-hf.jpgOne of my first dates with Sam was a Halloween party. I had been doing the packaging for Lois and Clark for a while, and as I watched the entire four seasons of the show, pretty much continuously over a few of weeks, I not only fell in love with Superman all over again, but began to see the forgotten Superman in myself.

Months before, I’d gotten out of an almost six-year relationship that had been essentially defunct for two years – no matter how genuinely we tried to fake it, we’d lost the trust and the lust – a sliver of Kryptonite that eroded the foundation of our relationship and my personal strength and character, daily. I became a whiny, lethargic, sniveling version of myself, not even Kent-worthy, while Superman withered away inside. (Joe, I don’t blame you. I wouldn’t have wanted to have sex with me either.)

Continue reading ‘Superman Saved My Sex Life’


The Girls with Whom I’ve Had Sex


A blonde babysitter, 17, once when I was 12.

A redheaded girlfriend, 17, for a year, starting when I was 16.

A blonde college junior, 20, twice when I was 15 (we’d kissed when I was 13, and she was 18, but it was weird, for her).

A redheaded girlfriend, 16, endlessly at 16, for about four years, into college, some breaks, and once we had sex three feet from her sleeping sister, 15, blonde, but no, the sister didn’t get involved. She didn’t even wake up.

My girlfriend’s sister’s best girl friend, blonde, 15, twice at 16. (My girlfriend’s best boy friend, blond, 16, every two or three weeks, from 16-17.)

Two girls with the same name, at the same time, both 18, blonde and the first redheaded girlfriend above, a handful of times at 17. The blonde is now a lesbian. The redhead is now an Evangelical Christian who uses her faith to perpetuate hate.

Four girls from my high school I used to photograph, 16-18, regularly when I was 17, although I never photographed them nude.

Continue reading ‘The Girls with Whom I’ve Had Sex’


Brady Quinn Locker Room Scene


Last night, Sam and I fantasized about finding a solo, horned-up Brady Quinn in a locker room. It wasn’t the straight-QB-goes-gay-for-an-hour fantasy. The Mighty Quinn was into it… the boy had skills. I can’t speak for Sam, but for me it was as much about the caterpillar brows and the goofy-ass hair as it was about the tree-limb arms and the equipment you might expect on a boy that size.

Sam and I wish Brady Quinn were gay, and so does every gay man who’s ever seen a picture of him, and somewhere there’s a woman who’s thought of it, because evidently some straight girls get off on gay play. But I digress.

If he is, it’s his business, sure, and we won’t find out about it until after his first Super Bowl, but don’t get your hopes up boys and girls. As much as I hate to admit it, (and I really do), a few polo-clad, frat boy crotch grab photos don’t make him gay, and neither does his affinity for being a big, floppy-haired clown. Google “Brady Quinn gay” and get page after page of results citing speculation. The sports sites are the funniest because the readers and speculators are on fire. Titillated even.

It’s probably a good thing he isn’t, because we have a knack for manifesting stuff, and a gay, willing Brady might prompt a very interesting conversation. It’s that whole laminated list thing. No matter, because in our imaginations, anything’s possible.

Billy’s Sorted Past

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