Archive for the 'molestation' Category

07
Sep
08

From One *Former* Victim of Molestation to Another

In March, I wrote a post called “Pedophilia May Have Physical Causes“, and received the following comment:

I too was molested by my step father and the repercussions that it had created has not been a pretty picture. For the most part I function in society. I have been labeled hypo-manic depressive with a slight personality disorder…  I wonder why. My mother denied the abuse and for that she has been forever cut out of my life. The next time that I want to see them both is at their funerals. It has been many years and the hate and anger will not go away and it affects me on a daily basis. Do you have any advice? The experience has only led to worse things in my life (being raped 2 times) due to all the drinking to kill the pain. I have since stopped that all together… I really don’t want to go for a third time. I have tried counseling and well, it has gotten me nowhere. – Dexx36

This comment deserves more than just another one in return.  First, thanks to everyone who commented.  Sometimes the hardest declaration you can make is the one you alone can hear.

Here’s what has worked for me, Dexx: meds, therapy, the support of friends and family, and resolution, not necessarily in that order.  Continue reading ‘From One *Former* Victim of Molestation to Another’

15
Mar
08

Universal Truths I Learned from Weeding the Garden

By L.A. standards, we have a lot of land: just over 1/4 of an acre. Anywhere else, it’s a postage stamp.

Last winter, we didn’t get as much rain as we did this year, and so this year’s weed growth is unprecedented. I knew it wouldn’t be a small task, so admittedly I’ve been putting it off, and while I was out there pulling, I learned a few universal truths (yet again). Continue reading ‘Universal Truths I Learned from Weeding the Garden’

09
Mar
08

Pedophilia may have physical causes.

nfsoffice.jpg<< Just weeks, or even days, before.

There came a point in my post-molestation experience a few years ago, while the man (for the record, a conservative Republican) was being prosecuted, where I was faring much better than my Mom. I had found a place of relative resolve; she was still as mad as hell. It was hearing the man deny the facts, categorically, repeatedly, and convincingly (to most of our home town) that was particularly maddening.

Continue reading ‘Pedophilia may have physical causes.’

30
Jan
08

Tops and bottoms from top to bottom.

twoinbed.jpgTen years ago, I was in Ft. Lauderdale, on a packed weekend night, at (the original) Club Cathode Ray, when I found myself shoulder-to-shoulder with some random dude at the bar. We were both checking out the same guy across the room, and he was looking back. He turned to me and said, “Hey, I just heard this joke: Do you know the best way to get a bottom off?”

Yes, I definitely know some proven ways, but for the purpose of the joke, I replied, “No, what?”

“Who cares?” he said, laughed alone and sent the guy a drink.

Passive sexual partners of both sexes and all orientations are widely considered ‘less than’, even subtly (Did you notice that the word ‘bottom’ isn’t capitalized here, but ‘Top’ is?) and we expect them to have a certain level of ‘bottom shame’ just so we know that they’re not complete sluts. There are, on the other hand, complete sluts (again, of both sexes) who proudly own their title, finding plenty of happy company and more than a little liberation, I’d imagine. Combine this with some business savvy and you could build an empire, but that is certainly the exception to the rule.

Continue reading ‘Tops and bottoms from top to bottom.’

11
Jan
08

Video: The Famous Swing Where He Shot Himself

It’s time I post this video too. For those of you who don’t know the other ‘big’ story behind me: I was molested as a child from the age of 12 to 18, by my family’s attorney. It went on for so long because I was in love with him, and didn’t really realize that a crime was being committed against me, and – no matter how ‘normal’ it felt at the time – it was damaging my psyche in ways that would persist for years. I didn’t come forward about it for a number of reasons, the largest of which were humiliation, the fear of not being believed, having to explain my own complicity, and that I’d have to come out. The statute of limitations is 5 years for this crime. Which meant I had until my 23rd birthday to report what had happened to me. That day came, and passed.

When I began to hear about this happening to other boys, I decided to expose him. I filed a complaint which was picked up by the papers, and ultimately landed on the desk of Governor Jeb Bush, who called an investigation. In the course of the four year investigation, about 40 of us were discovered. All ages. Some of us were fine, some were a mess, some were institutionalized, some were incarcerated, a couple had committed suicide. The oldest of us was well into his 40’s. The youngest, a freshman in college. I was one of the luckiest ones.

Continue reading ‘Video: The Famous Swing Where He Shot Himself’




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