Archive for the 'childhood' Category

07
Sep
08

From One *Former* Victim of Molestation to Another

In March, I wrote a post called “Pedophilia May Have Physical Causes“, and received the following comment:

I too was molested by my step father and the repercussions that it had created has not been a pretty picture. For the most part I function in society. I have been labeled hypo-manic depressive with a slight personality disorder…  I wonder why. My mother denied the abuse and for that she has been forever cut out of my life. The next time that I want to see them both is at their funerals. It has been many years and the hate and anger will not go away and it affects me on a daily basis. Do you have any advice? The experience has only led to worse things in my life (being raped 2 times) due to all the drinking to kill the pain. I have since stopped that all together… I really don’t want to go for a third time. I have tried counseling and well, it has gotten me nowhere. – Dexx36

This comment deserves more than just another one in return.  First, thanks to everyone who commented.  Sometimes the hardest declaration you can make is the one you alone can hear.

Here’s what has worked for me, Dexx: meds, therapy, the support of friends and family, and resolution, not necessarily in that order.  Continue reading ‘From One *Former* Victim of Molestation to Another’

21
Jul
08

Mommie Dearest vs. The Dark Knight

The Dark Knight is sold out, solid, all over town, so Sam and I stayed in this weekend and tried to approximate the experience as best we could, by watching Mommie Dearest.

The first time I saw Mommie Dearest was within a year of the premiere, but on HBO, at home. I was 12 or 13. Soon thereafter, I got into a fight with Mom and called her “Mommy Dearest.” It earned me the requisite slap across the face. God, how dramatic. In fact, we both realized we’d been caught up in a wave of self-concocted drama and busted out laughing. How Camp. (That link, btw, is the best intellectual discussion of Camp, ever.) Continue reading ‘Mommie Dearest vs. The Dark Knight’

12
Jun
08

“Waltz” is the New Dooce

One of the smartest, funniest writers I know finally has a blog, and it’s good. It’s called Waltz in Exile: a window into the world of a decidedly un-suburban family of four (with a collective IQ higher than my FICO score) finds itself purposefully “in exile” in the Midwest.

My personal favorite is Continue reading ‘“Waltz” is the New Dooce’

29
Apr
08

What the Miley Cyrus Debacle Says About America

I really didn’t want to do a Miley Cyrus post, but I can’t tolerate all of this bullshit coughed up by checked-out parents suddenly concerned about Miley’s back and ready to stitch a scarlet A to someone’s chest.

I read some dreck today that says that Disney is turning the US into a “Nation of Whores. Good grief. “But she’s a role model for little girls,” I’ve heard some people say. Well, if your kid is mindlessly following the cues of a fellow child pretending to be a fictional character designed by a corporation to be a vehicle to propel ad sales, then something is desperately wrong in your home. Continue reading ‘What the Miley Cyrus Debacle Says About America’

23
Apr
08

One Way YouTube Beats XTube: Lots of Guys Kissing

You can find just about anything on XTube: every combination, every kink, every fluid, but what you don’t find a lot of is plain, old kissing. This reminds me of when I was a kid and the days of phone sex lines, before the boom of the Internet, where young, closeted guys like I was, could figure themselves out on the DL, safely. I listened to the phone sex lines first, scared to speak and actually connect with a stranger, and hanging up almost immediately, or getting off before I’d even gotten started or uttered a word. Continue reading ‘One Way YouTube Beats XTube: Lots of Guys Kissing’

09
Apr
08

Oops! Chlamydia at 15?

Dear Billy, my 15-year-old daughter has chlamydia. We have learned this because her boyfriend has it. We’ve had some conversations about sex, but clearly more of those are in order. If this were your daughter, how would you deal with it?

Continue reading ‘Oops! Chlamydia at 15?’

15
Mar
08

Universal Truths I Learned from Weeding the Garden

By L.A. standards, we have a lot of land: just over 1/4 of an acre. Anywhere else, it’s a postage stamp.

Last winter, we didn’t get as much rain as we did this year, and so this year’s weed growth is unprecedented. I knew it wouldn’t be a small task, so admittedly I’ve been putting it off, and while I was out there pulling, I learned a few universal truths (yet again). Continue reading ‘Universal Truths I Learned from Weeding the Garden’

09
Mar
08

Pedophilia may have physical causes.

nfsoffice.jpg<< Just weeks, or even days, before.

There came a point in my post-molestation experience a few years ago, while the man (for the record, a conservative Republican) was being prosecuted, where I was faring much better than my Mom. I had found a place of relative resolve; she was still as mad as hell. It was hearing the man deny the facts, categorically, repeatedly, and convincingly (to most of our home town) that was particularly maddening.

Continue reading ‘Pedophilia may have physical causes.’

07
Feb
08

Britney Spears: A Little Bit of Tragedy Repeating

Once upon a time there was a hot, young, blonde star in her twenties, captive to her overbearing manager. He controlled her utterly, criminally: what she said, what she did, what she wore, where she appeared, and how thin she was when she did. He drove a wedge between the young woman and her family. She wasn’t allowed any phone calls and weeks would pass without her family knowing her whereabouts, except for what they were able to see on TV. He had dirt on her; compromising photographs to keep her frightened and tractable. He drugged her regularly and abused her with inconceivable cruelty, sexually, physically, and verbally. Hundreds of thousands of dollars in cash and valuables were stolen from her during his occupation. His control was absolute, and soon, so was her hopelessness.

I’m not talking about Britney Spears. I’m talking about my Mom.

connyalmostgone.jpg

Having exhausted every other path to help and solace, she lay in a bed in her home in the Hollywood hills and overdosed with a bottle of Valium.

Continue reading ‘Britney Spears: A Little Bit of Tragedy Repeating’

29
Jan
08

Gay American Heroes

Sean Kennedy

“So who knows what’s around the corner or down the street. I’m just gonna live life and find out.” -Sean William Kennedy

This past weekend is one that Sam and I had been anticipating for a while, but boy, did it play out differently than we expected. Chip Arndt had asked us some time ago to serve as co-chairs for his event: “Silence the Hate” a benefit for the Gay American Heroes Foundation, at East West in West Hollywood.

You know the drill, no matter how noble, on these kinds of things. It’s a charity you can get behind with a message you support, and you call in your connections and favors all over town to pack the house, and line the worthy cause’s coffers with much-needed resources. You make sure you look great (and we felt good about that having prepped for a season of events 1, 2, 3), then you show up to the event, have a few drinks with your friends, take photos, talk about the charity and what they’re doing, etc., until the goals have been wildly surpassed and a great time had by all. Continue reading ‘Gay American Heroes’




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