Now That We Can All Marry, Why Aren’t We?

Sam and I wasted no time getting legally married.  We were in line, in the sun on 6/17, doing our best to ignore the handful of shouting haters in attendance and making friends in line.  The haters left after just a couple of hours.  Perfect.

Since then, we’ve encouraged our other partnered friends to tie the legal knot, and so far, only one has followed suit.  While their presence at our wedding in April, 2007 kinda cinched it for them, I’m sure they’d planned to marry legally before we spoke to them.

Many of our friends, and especially those who have been together for over a decade, just aren’t doing it.  “We’re already married enough,” they’ll say, or, “There’s really no benefit because we have our estate and legal affairs in order,” or even, “I don’t think it will make any difference in how we feel about each other.”  Maybe it’s the unspoken implications a legal marriage and the ‘forsaking all others’ part puts on the not uncommon ‘open’ relationship?

I’m not going to dissect or judge.  I will tell you, however, that Sam and I felt as married as we could possibly have after April, 2007, and after the civil ceremony we DID feel more married.  We did feel different.  Call it icing on the cake, or whatever, but it made it that much sweeter.

On the other hand, we’ve received emails from people in states where they do not yet have the right to marry, and they are openly envious.  They want the right, and some are even planning trips to California to do it.  Do they want it more because they can’t do it in their home state?  Do Californians want it less because they take it for granted already, and believe so strongly that the right won’t be revoked in November?  The polls don’t indicate that we should be that comfortable.  The window could close then and there, indefinitely.

As a gay married couple, Sam and I feel like ambassadors of the ‘gay nation’ if you will, acclimating ‘the rest of the world’ to see and understand what a married gay couple looks like.  We introduce each other as “my husband” without hesitation, everywhere, and are greeted with smiles.   I can’t speak for Sam, but I know that I’m less hesitant about showing affection in public, and when I do, it doesn’t have the aroma of in-your-face, point-making rebellion.  It’s a heaping helping of the same legitimacy granted straight couples, and it’s delicious.  We encourage it.

2 Responses to “Now That We Can All Marry, Why Aren’t We?”

  1. 1 faggots
    Wednesday, August 13, 2008 at 11:37 am

    Congratulations! While I can’t really offer a great deal of insight as to why other gay couples aren’t getting married so quickly (I’m friggin’ 20, alright?) perhaps you could think of it as queering the heterosexual norm of marriage, haha. Actually, it may just be the emotional stunting that gay men experience due to the typical late onset of the ability to date. Again…I don’t know. But still, congrats!

  2. Wednesday, August 13, 2008 at 7:53 pm

    I could not be happier that you and Sam have tied-the-knot legally. Having been married a few times (well, more than just a few), I believe that being legally married says that you aren’t joking; you mean to make it work. Although I never found Mr. Right, I believe that I gave my all each time with Mr. Maybe. In for a penny…in for a pound! Perhaps, now that gay couples in California CAN marry, they no longer have that safe little niche where they can hide and…The Universe forbid!…not commit. OMFG! I just got it! Now there are TWO guys together with issues! Fortunately, not YOU two guys! Come on folks; no more excuses. Do you love your partner or don’t you? The sacrifice? Oh yeah, it would be good if you didn’t cheat. It saddens me to think that couples do not get married because they think as little of their relationship as a lot of people think of their relationship. I guess that it takes a while for these couples to realize that they deserve the right to be legally married. They are just as deservant as anyone else. It is time for gay couples to say that they deserve the respect and credability that every other married couple has.
    But…I’m just a mom; what the fuck do I know?!
    P.S. BTW…it was 6 times.

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