Get Your Anal Pap Test

Male or female, if you are putting your backfield in motion at all, (even if it’s only been a spitty finger) you should have an anal pap to be screened for HPV.

I wasn’t going to blog about this, but then I spoke with a dear friend, who enjoys some “backdoor” every now and then, and he didn’t have a clue about the anal pap. That is when I knew it was my duty to inform you.

HPV or human papilloma virus (aka genital warts) are very common, and commonly linked to rectal cancer and cervical cancer in women, so it’s good to know your HPV situation early and often. Schedule a test with your doctor, and if your doctor isn’t hip, get one who is. Here’s how it goes.

Don’t be chicken. The little collection brush causes less discomfort than some dates you’ve had, and called back for seconds. Imagine a tiny Christmas tree, an inch tall by a quarter inch in diameter, made out of pipe cleaner with fine bristles about the stiffness of a soft tooth brush.

The procedure is easy and painless. I even laughed, but that’s me. You lie on the examination table, on your side, in the fetal position, just like you do in your prostate exam. Have you ever noticed that there’s no way to lie on your side in the fetal position and appear butch? There isn’t. If you’ve figured it out, send a pic, because I want to see. But I digress. My doc held the tiny tree in front of my face so I knew what to expect, and still my dread was worse than the reality. He gently inserted it and spun it around a few times. That’s when I thought, “Gosh, this is something new,” and I laughed. Then he sealed it in a tube to be shipped off to the lab.

I know, it sounds like a terrible experience, but given the alternative of not knowing what’s up down there, it is a small price to pay.

I’d like to challenge all men who are reading this to schedule their anal pap, because Billy cares about each and every one of you, and your little starfishes. If you’re really bold, you’ll comment below on your own experiences.

For more in-depth facts and figures on HPV, go to HIV Plus magazine, here.

xo, Billy

3 Responses to “Get Your Anal Pap Test”

  1. Wednesday, July 2, 2008 at 1:00 pm

    Why didn’t you just call this “Stuff about Bronson’s Butt You Didn’t Know (Yet)” LOL

  2. Wednesday, July 2, 2008 at 6:07 pm

    I had no idea that was even a thing for guys. Wow. Thanks for educating my sorry butt! 🙂

  3. 3 T
    Tuesday, September 9, 2008 at 3:20 pm

    I’m a bisexual female myself but I adore anal sex. I had no idea this was even a procedure. Thank you so much for bringing this to my attention. I will schedule one alongside my pap yearly.

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