I am happily aberrant.

I was standing at the urinal today, when a funny thought crossed my mind: I sleep with, and am married to a man.

I know, I know. Obvious. Stupid even.

If the most important, innate desire of an animal is to reproduce itself, I’m putting my goo in the wrong places – every chance I get. A lot of people have a problem with that, including the first girl I put my goo in. I cast her out of my life because she thinks God is an angry thug, but I digress.

Nonetheless, she thinks I’m a perversion, a defective, mis-wired human being, whose most basic drive is flawed. Except I’m not. I know exactly where to put my goo if I wish to reproduce, and the blessing is that if and when I do it, I’ll be doing it purposefully. After all, reproduction is not love, and love is not reproduction, even though there are many handy examples of people who believe the words are interchangeable.

That is not to say that the accidental child is not a blessing. Every child is a blessing, even the ones I can create.

Mind you, this isn’t a cue to start suggesting baby names. Sam and I are thinking about what cars to own next; not fatherhood. This was just a random stream of consciousness over a not-so-random stream of pee.

I tugged a few times and zipped up.

I walked to the sink, washed my hands, and looked into the mirror.

I am this man, I thought.

I am a gay man, and all of the epithets that implies – even the hateful ones, but it doesn’t mean I’d change. To change my queerness would be to change the essence of who I am, on every level. I am not gay because I sleep with men. I am gay because I am gay. I am perfectly flawed. I am happily aberrant.

Have a great weekend.

5 Responses to “I am happily aberrant.”

  1. Friday, June 6, 2008 at 5:21 pm

    Just as astronaut icon Neil Armstrong is widely regarded to have used the wrong term in his famous uttering: “One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind,” (he should have said “a man” since “man” used without the preceding article, “a” and “mankind” mean the same thing), perhaps too Billy in his statement: “I fuck men” ought more appropriately be: “I have fucked men” or “I have fucked men, and now fuck a man.” Thoughts? 🙂

  2. Friday, June 6, 2008 at 6:25 pm

    That’s what Sam, the only man I fuck, says. 😉

  3. Saturday, September 27, 2008 at 2:24 pm

    very well put.

    the world is aberrant

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