16
Apr
08

Hummers are for Guys with Small Cocks

Leave it to the French to finally say what people around the world have only thought. Hummers are for guys with small cocks. If I’m wrong, prove it. Send me a picture of yourself standing next to your Hummer. Block out your face, and whip it out for the camera – and it had better be huge.

Include a line in the email saying I can publish it, because I will.

‘A 4×4 isn’t anything but a substitute for a penis!’ laughs one of France’s infamous ‘Deflators’. ‘A car which consumes a lot, a luxury, an accessory, a privilege for a well-off population which brings nothing else into the city. They could be satisfied with a much smaller and more ecologically friendly car. For the ‘Deflators’, the 4×4 is the quintessential symbol of a certain lifestyle worth denouncing.

‘Eco-guerillas’ like the man quoted above deflate the tires of SUVs in Europe in a revolt against a lifestyle which they find not only needlessly excessive, but offensive to the environment.

Sam and I met a guy just before our Bora Bora trip who drove a Hummer. When I saw it, I let it loose, “Really? A Hummer?” He grinned broadly, shooting back, “It’s just the six-cylinder. It’s not so bad.”

I actually don’t think there’s a correlation between penis size and Hummers, because a lot of women drive them. It’s more about a sense of entitlement, and not the healthy kind. It says to me, “I know this Hummer’s consumptive, but I can afford (to lease) it, so screw you (and all of your tree hugging, democrat friends).”

There’s one in my office parking structure that is almost always parked in a space clearly marked “COMPACT”. When I found out that it was driven by a little Asian-American woman I wondered if she she was some Head of State who merited such security. She’s not. She’s just got a rich husband and a baby on the way. Still no excuse. A Volvo is just as safe, and not as much of a menace to society and the environment. Plus, conspicuous consumption is so Clinton I.

Oh, and by the way, our Smart car will be delivered in August. The smallest production car made. 😉

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4 Responses to “Hummers are for Guys with Small Cocks”


  1. 1 Big Jake
    Wednesday, April 16, 2008 at 5:39 pm

    I drive a mini. Need I say more?
    [Lovesick Billy: So should we call you Minnie Driver now?]

  2. 2 David
    Wednesday, April 30, 2008 at 8:47 am

    how about i just show you in person rather than sending a picture? 🙂 – see you tonight – david

  3. Wednesday, April 30, 2008 at 9:23 am

    Bring it. I’ll bring the camera.

  4. Thursday, May 1, 2008 at 7:03 pm

    Okay, evidently there is at least one guy who runs afoul of my Hummer rule.


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