Could Sam and I Be Dads? Really?

Single Dads in Last Year's Macy's CampaignI don’t know if it’s a byproduct of my turning 40, the milestone of 2.5 stable years with Sam or what, but parenting keeps coming up, and we’re not the ones starting the discussion. It’s friends – and you know who you are – who want us to join them in the joy/misery of raising kids.

When Sam and I first started dating, we talked about our outlooks on kids – you know, it’s one of the qualifying questions. He was 30, and not so much into the idea. I definitely wasn’t pushing it, but I had been kicking the idea around since I was about 35.

A year passed and Sam brought it up. We decided that we’d adopt if anything. We figured there were enough unparented children in the world that having one of our own was kinda silly, and we wanted our connection to the child to be equal.

Another year later, we meet a couple who is knee-deep in their surrogacy and expecting their child in Summer, 2008 – and they’re both HIV-positive. They had their sperm washed of any trace of HIV, prior to insemination, and are having an HIV-negative child, and no harm is posed to the Bio Mom. And you know what that means. Surrogacy is back on the table.

We have a few friends who have kids, including the incredibly brave Dan Pallotta and Jimmy Smith, who had (gulp!) triplets late last year. We’ve been to a birthday party attended mostly by gay parents, and chatted with the organizers of “Maybe Baby”, a group that helps gay parents through the process, and we met some amazing kids, all of whom, btw, don’t think anything of having two Dads or two Moms.

A few weeks ago, Sam’s maternal Grandmother suggested that Sam’s brother isn’t the only one who could make her a Great Grandmother. She’s really an extraordinary woman, and the comment was completely unexpected. (Only she and Sam’s biological Father accept him for who he is.) And if that weren’t enough, this past week, on the day before my 40th birthday, I was having a conversation with my friend Joe, who asked, “So when are you guys having kids?”

Okay, what’s going on here?

It’s like we’ve got “DAD” written on our foreheads and we’re the only ones who don’t know it. Could it be? Could “The Guys with Whom I’ve Had Sex” and “No Sleep ‘Til Grade School” coexist as posts on Lovesick Billy? Might we actually celebrate Father’s Day at Pine Crest?

Samson Benjamin? Thor Jensen? Dashiell Huckleberry?

To be continued…

17 Responses to “Could Sam and I Be Dads? Really?”

  1. 1 Pants
    Friday, April 11, 2008 at 6:07 am

    Yay, I am going to be Auntie Pants!

    ;o) I think its an amazing idea you should throughly pursue.

    Hell, if Carmine can do it … :p

  2. Friday, April 11, 2008 at 6:52 am

    Benjamin Jensen Page…BJ for short.
    Van Jensen Page…VJ for short.
    Samson Runyon Page…no for short.

    [Lovesick Billy: Really Mom, “BJ”? I wouldn’t do that to a kid in this day and age. I wasn’t “BB”. This conversation is SOOOO premature. xo]

  3. 3 Brenda
    Friday, April 11, 2008 at 9:04 am

    For what it’s worth, I think you & Sam would make amazing parents, whether you take the surrogacy route or if you decide to adopt. 🙂

  4. 4 Daphne
    Friday, April 11, 2008 at 9:21 am

    My Dear Boys…I think you’d both make terrific parents. You have the love, the sensitivity, the warmth, the compassion, the brains and the humor. Trust me – It takes all of those. Whoops! I forgot..patience….that’s a must.
    However you decide to do it – adopt, surrogacy, whatever…you’ll have to buck society and the stereotype comments, but you’ve already done that. By the time that little child is in grade school, 3 – 5 years from now, he/she will most likely have a lot more similar type parents whether male or female. Connie – you’ll be the first to wrap
    that little squeezable in your arms and I’ll be the second.

  5. 5 Anonymous
    Friday, April 11, 2008 at 9:25 am

    Dear LSB,
    First, happy belated 40th Birthday among many of your other personal and shared accomplishments over the last several years, including a happy marriage. I have been paying attention to your life for sometime now and I am proud of you.

    In terms of the current topic, I have learned firsthand that being a parent is truly the most rewarding accomplishment that I have experienced in my 35 years of existence.

    Personally, being a father of two, soon to be three, has brought my wife and I great joy, a little 🙂 frustration, and hopefully an eternity of shared knowledge, love, and affection. Life is truly precious and short. That being said, choosing to become a parent will definitely be a difficult decision and ultimately will change your life forever, both good and bad(much like my decision to make jean shorts out of my tattered white Versace jeans in the mid-90’s….not such a good look!:)).
    In my opinion, if you choose to become parents, one thing is for certain; at the end of your life you will have had no greater accomplishment both professionally and personally.

    Good luck on your decision.

    Take care, stay healthy, and keep writing, your pretty damn good at it! LOL

    [Lovesick Billy: Thanks, Anonymous, for the kind words. I’m truly grateful. Now comes the agony of not knowing who this is. But I do have a guess. Michael Rosen?]

  6. Friday, April 11, 2008 at 9:28 am

    absolutely “Dashiell Huckleberry.”

  7. 7 Lisa
    Friday, April 11, 2008 at 11:32 am

    I told you I Might be ready when IM 40! so be patient. 😉

  8. 8 Eufe
    Friday, April 11, 2008 at 1:46 pm

    Hi Bronson,
    We’ve never met, but Sam knows me well from my training days with him. Just wanted to let you know that if pursuing adoption becomes an option once again, you guys should let me know. I am an adoption social worker and have all the info you would need to explore that route. So let me know and good luck, whatever direction you end up taking. I’m sure it will be the right one.

  9. 9 Anonymous
    Friday, April 11, 2008 at 1:59 pm

    No, I’m not Michael Rosen.
    I’m sure you won’t believe me but I am sincere when I say that I had no intention of making you feel agonized over my anonymous blog.
    I merely wanted to add my two cents on the current topic due to my experience. I’ve bit my tongue on several occasions over the last year and change regarding some of your blogs, going back in forth in my mind about whether to respond or not. Obviously, I felt compelled this time around to comment.
    I remember some months ago when another individual from your past did something very similar and I felt bad for you, helplessly guessing. Now, I have to admit, I do feel a strange sense of intrique and empowerment by remaining anonymous. This absolutely is selfish but I am a parent now, I’ll take what little selfishness I can reasonably muster.:)
    I do realize how possibly easy it would be for you to use the wonders of technology to electronically locate me but if I were in your shoes I wouldn’t bother, it’s truly no big deal. Just know that I wish you the best, always have. Once again, good luck with your collective decision on becoming parents. As I stated previously, it is wonderful. However, it’s not for everyone. I had to let go of much of my own selfishness, ego, veiness, etc. DAMN, THAT WAS TOUGH!! 🙂 However, I am definetely a better person because of my kids. Please, for your sake, don’t drink the Cool Aid just because it’s free and sounds delicious…you are smart, I know you won’t.
    I’m rambling, take care.

  10. Friday, April 11, 2008 at 2:42 pm

    Your IP addresses put you in Detroit, so that really narrows the field, and then you throw in Versace and I’d have to say Sam Barna. Sam or not Sam, thanks… the advice is really good, and really welcome.

  11. 11 Jonathan
    Friday, April 11, 2008 at 3:46 pm

    You already know that you and Sam could be dads. Nobody who knows the two of you could ever doubt that.
    But, I don’t know that I would let the fact that people keep bringing up the fatherhood issue with you influence your decision. People are so used to the concept of “married with kids” that when they see two happily married people, they want want to see the kids to complete the picture. Without the kids, in their eyes, your lives are unfulfilled.
    Hogwash. Do what you want. If that means kids, go for it. If it doesn’t, embrace that choice, as well.

  12. 12 Anonymus
    Friday, April 11, 2008 at 7:00 pm

    We’ve never met but I salute both you and Sam!
    I can bet you’re making the right decision. Surgogate parenthood and/or adoption would be a great option. Personally, I think adoption would be better as you’d be giving a home to a kid who needs it.
    Just make sure you give them the best and that they understand and are never ashamed to be children of a gay couple. My best to you.

  13. 13 MrsWaltz
    Monday, April 14, 2008 at 7:31 am

    All right, if you’re looking into adoption, might I suggest a couple of moppets I know? They’re very cute, and borderline brilliant. And you could have them cheap 🙂 Of course, they behave like wild goats…..but I’m sure with enough love, attention and exercise, you’d tame them in no time. You have cages, right?

  14. 14 anxious lesbian
    Monday, April 14, 2008 at 4:25 pm

    um, I left one the other day but it was dropped for some reason…I was just wondering where the girls names are? How about SueBailey-BronSama Page? Sounds like a star, no?

    [Lovesick Billy: Girls’ names, girls’ names, yeah. Olivia Maeve, India Joy and Io Ranna Sue. How’s that for starters?]

  15. 16 Jack
    Wednesday, April 16, 2008 at 10:45 am

    First of all Happy Belated Birthday my old friend. An old college friend who found me on Facebook (which I rarely use) led me to your site. It has been a long time and there is much to tell but we’ll save that for another time. My wife and I had our first baby 6 weeks ago; her name is Sonya and we couldn’t be happier. After perusing your site and learning more about you and Sam and your relationship, it seems that you guys would be amazing, loving parents. Having a baby is definitely a life changer and forces you to become selfless. Jenn and I are very active and social people and we had to adjust our lifestyle a bit after the baby. Although, I have to say we’re still pretty active with Sonya – we have dinner parties, take her to restaurants with us, and we’ve already planned 3 weeks in the South of France with her in June. We made it a point to be the same people and just take her everywhere we go. She is such a happy baby, already smiling and almost laughing. For all the late nights, lack of sleep and dirty diapers, the smiles she gives me every day makes it all worth it and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. So my friend, if this is something both of you want, then go for it!
    (one caveat: I’m still on a ‘new parent’ adrenalin high so my story may change after a few years when I’m loading up the old family truckster for a cross-country trip to Wally World :). I hope to catch up with you soon buddy. -Jack

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