He’s Stopped Calling

When we were at the Gay and Lesbian Wine Club last night at Heritage Wine Company, I met a guy we’ll call Dirk, who had a question for Lovesick Billy:

So I’ve been seeing this guy for a couple of months. We’ve reached the point where I go to his house and just enter without knocking. I stay over sometimes. He’s 42, and I’m 28, and he says that’s an issue for him. Even still, it’s been going well, we have agreed to be exclusive, and we do something together a few times a week, but this past week, he has stopped communicating. I sent him a text message on Friday, and he hasn’t returned it yet. Is he just playing games? Should I keep texting him?

If he hasn’t been playing games so far, he probably hasn’t started now. If someone isn’t returning communication, it’s “do not disturb” or you’re kicked to the curb. He’s got a dying relative or he’s being audited by the IRS or some similar crisis, and your butt is the last thing he’s thinking about OR he’s a tool who doesn’t know how to break up with someone like a human being. Assume the former and don’t obsess. Send out a final “Hey, are you okay? Let me know if I can help” and leave it at that, with your dignity intact. He’ll either call to explain the hiatus, or not, which means he’s done you a favor by flaking himself right out of your life. No worries. He’s not the only man out there.

But why would he bail like this?

People raise red flags and jump ship because they don’t want to be hurt. Your guy has raised a flag that says, relationship-wise, he’s better with a guy his own age, for whatever reason. If he feels you might be the exception to the rule, you have a shot, but if he keeps raising the same red flag, be a sport and bow out. A fourteen-year age gap might not be anything to you, but to him it’s insurmountable… at least this time.

For the other guy: Dude, don’t break your own rules. If you know older guys work best for you, stop dating chicken. If he was worth dating for two months, he’s worth your being a gentleman when breaking it off. Nobody likes to be ignored and only a real tool does a text message break-up. Just ask Kelly.

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