Everyone on Craigslist is DDF

picture-5.pngI have always loved reading personals: Gainesville’s Creative Loafing, student rags at USF, the Miami Herald, and L.A. Weekly, but then I discovered Craigslist and its endless hours of searchable entertainment. You can find just about anything there. Everybody knows this. But I’ve made an incredible discovery.

Are you ready for it?

Drug and disease free (DDF) men and women in Los Angeles and other major metropolitan areas are not to be found at bars, or circuit parties. They’re on Craigslist. Grade-A, unspoiled, extroverted, adult boy and girl scouts ripe for the picking, great at parties, ready to host or travel.

Craigslist has not returned calls seeking clarification on whether they have a DDF requirement or if there’s something magical about their ads that draws the squeaky clean and shields them from every drug and STD.

Don’t believe me? Check it out for yourself. See? Dozens of dudes getting in touch with other dudes on Craigslist, sometimes more than one at a time, plus taking loads, and yet, they’re still DDF. Great news for singles everywhere.

Of course, these guys may well all be pristine newbies planning their first experience with another man. Where else would they look? Craigslist worked for that apartment, job, and hamster cage. The job is great, the apartment clean and cheap, and the hamster cage, well, it outlasted the hamster (gotta put that up on Craigslist). All of those ad posters were completely on the up and up. So why not sex? The Craigslist honor system is one after which governments should be modeled.

The more I learn about Craigslist, the more I can’t believe I wasted all that time seducing classmates with beer and confidence in college, risked arrest cruising campus bathrooms, and suffered through those painful and embarrassing trips to the doc, not to mention a few courses of antibiotics. I’m so stupid. I should have just run an ad. ‘Course, there was no Craigslist then.

Most envious is the DDF posters’ absolute tirelessness. DDF posts go up literally around the clock, at 2am, 3am, 4am, and even 5am, setting stuff up for the next day (they must have read the 4 Hour Workweek), and sometimes there are even multiple, re-worded ads. Those crazy kids! Where do they get the DDF energy? Are they drinking Red Bull? I could probably do it too, but to be honest, I’d have to snort something because I’m pretty much useless after midnight.

Craigslist. I wonder if it works for crabs. Maybe there are listings for “Crab, Disease, and Drug Free”, CDDF, or maybe PDDF – P for parasite. Nope, I guess not. So, if you hook up on Craigslist, you’re on your own for crabs. Make sure to ask.

Maybe it even has a retroactive effect, and not only provides a protective shield against STDs, but maybe it actually cures them. I wonder if there is anyone on Craigslist who didn’t mention their STDs in their ad, or hadn’t been recently tested, and then had a suddenly clean bill of health when Mr. Right Now asked the question.


2 Responses to “Everyone on Craigslist is DDF”

  1. 1 Jonathan
    Friday, February 29, 2008 at 1:30 am

    I’m so freaking old-school. I love reading Craigslist, but I have never seriously considered hooking up from it. Don’t know why. I’ve had my share of seedy hookups, but the thought of using the internet to speed the process doesn’t appeal to me.

    But is finding “Mr Right Now” the good old-fashioned way (i.e. in the back of a sleazy bar) really any better? I doubt it. Best to assume everybody is swimming in pus, then procede.

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