Cleanliness is Next to Studliness

geyser.jpgget that shower thingy.

When I first saw one of these things, I thought “Wow, this guy takes the booty seriously.” At first I thought it was a little hard core, but then I realized it’s the mark of a considerate, mature lover. The more I thought about it, not using one just seemed so irresponsible. This isn’t college. It’s no longer acceptable to just hope for the best. You don’t have guests over without cleaning the house, do you? Why should this be any different? BTW, I’m not just talking to the boys; anal sex is prettymuch as popular with the het set.

I don’t know WTF Genre was thinking last month when they said to “lightly insert your finger into the anus, giving the area a quick swirl” and you’re good. Listen Little Jack Horner, unless you haven’t had any solid food for the last 18 hours, that’s just not going to do it, unless you plan to swab the deck every fifteen minutes. Even then, it might be a little dodgy. Remember the master cleanse?

The shower thingy can be uncomfortable or even shocking for the first-timer but, believe me, it’s more mental than physical. Make the water luke warm. Relax. Use a little lube, not soap. It need only cross the threshold, not come all the way into the living room. Don’t fill ‘er up. Divert the water to the hose in small doses or a slow, brief trickle. It’ll be more comfortable (and you’ll be more certain to leave all of the water behind you when you return to the action). After 30-60 seconds, exit the shower and take a seat. A well-timed courtesy flush will help to eliminate unpleasant sounds and odors. Two or three times should do the trick, before you do the trick – or the husband. Nothing says “love” like tidiness.

Between uses, don’t be ashamed. If you like to play in the back yard, it goes with the territory – plus, it’s handy for cleaning the shower.

Find it at the Pleasure Chest. Find it at Home Depot. Find it with Google, but maybe not Ebay. Just find it.

If you’re traveling, the shower thingy won’t make it through security in a carry-on, and you don’t want it’s serpentine length unpacked by the TSA. Leave it behind and once you reach your destination, go Fleet or go home. Generic or store brands are also okay, but saline, not mineral oil. It can be a little unpredictable and it’s not condom safe. You can pop the top off and refill it for another go, but again, if you’re playing safe, be selfish with the bottles.

If you’ve been miseducated about sex, or have busted a sex myth, help a brother out and tell us about it below or at lovesickbilly@mac.com.

3 Responses to “Cleanliness is Next to Studliness”

  1. Monday, February 25, 2008 at 8:18 pm

    The silly anal “poke and twirl” advice is all the proof I need that Neal Boulton over at GENRE Magazine needs to find a new SEX/LOVE/RELATIONSHIPS columnist. Maybe someone will tip him off to LovesickBilly.com


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