Inside The Polyandrous Relationship

I’VE WRITTEN ABOUT VARIOUS KINDS OF RELATIONSHIPS HERE, including the polyandrous. I wanted to get the real scoop on this situation, so I went to my friend TJ, who has successfully navigated polyandrous relationships. He offered to share his insights here. I definitely had some misconceptions that he’s dispelled – like for starters, it’s not a three-way. Thanks, TJ! —Lovesick Billy

“I WOULD CHARACTERIZE MY RELATIONSHIP WITH TWO OTHER MEN as six relationships in total. Each of the three men were deeply in love with one another and each man was deeply in love with the other two as a couple. This is a complicated concept to wrap your head around if you’ve never experienced it, but the dynamics are very complex and difficult to put into words.

“Polyandrous relationships are cyclical in my experience—two tend to be very close at alternating times. The cycles in my relationship were always balanced out. One man would need some space and the other two would be more close because of that. Then another would need space and the two there would become closer. It usually went from one to the next with no hard feelings based on it.

“There was never any feeling at all of being a ‘third’ for a couple to play around with. This is a common misconception among those who have never experienced a functional polyandrous relationship.

“The realization that I was into it came when I realized I was in love with two men equally and they were amenable to the creation of a polyandrous relationship. The misconception from outsiders is usually based on the fact that these types of relationships usually grow out of an existing couple.

“I would be in a relationship with two men again in a heartbeat, though I now realize the distance placed on the final member to join due to the extensive history the earlier two already have together. This is a difficult obstacle to overcome, but certainly not insurmountable. I’d love to meet two men at the same time they met one another and grow a polyandrous relationship from day one. The rewards are so much greater when being loved by two than by one.

“Regarding disadvantages, they are the same as a couple would face. They can, however, be magnified by the ability to ‘gang up’ on one member. In my history this was also cyclical—one person would piss the other two off and it could be blown completely out of proportion by the two angry parties having someone to help stoke the fire!

“The benefits of a polyandrous relationship are AMAZING! You’re exposed to the love of not two men, but a myriad of relationships that grow between the three parties. You always have one partner who wants to do something with you, and you always have a fully involved—and completely understanding—shoulder to cry on. I could go on, but I’ll leave it at that.

“The entire experience was wonderful and I’d not change a single moment of it. It was the situation that I had and it was marvelous!” —TJ


3 Responses to “Inside The Polyandrous Relationship”

  1. Saturday, February 23, 2008 at 6:06 pm

    I have no experience as a member of a triad, but I have been the object of affection of one before. The two men had met the third man during their 17th year of their relationship. The thing that struck me about them was the sense of equality between them. My perception was that they were truly three, interdependent—yet still autonomous men, who all made an active choice to be in the relationship. Thanks, TJ for giving me a window into this fascinating subject.

  2. Monday, February 25, 2008 at 8:02 pm

    Last week I watched a 60’s movie about the subject. It was “Jules et Jim” from french director François Truffaut. It’s funny how 40 years ago it was a taboo, and still today it’s a matter of discussion.
    I don’t doubt that reaching a point of comfort in that kind of relationships is possible, but I just don’t think they’re for everyone. Pretty much the same way some people aren’t comfortable being in any kind of serious relationship. As any relationship worth having, it requires true commitment from everyone involved. Sure, there might be a lot of benefits, but then you also you have to give up some things. Even more so when there are several people in the mix.

  3. 3 Brenda
    Wednesday, February 27, 2008 at 9:53 am

    Thanks for the fascinating insight, Bronson, and thank TJ for me, too! I’m currently outlining a story that features a polyandrous relationship between three men, and this is a great starting point. 🙂

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