Archive for January, 2008



14
Jan
08

The Art of Elysium & of Meeting Celebrities

img_3161.jpgOn Saturday night, Sam and I attended easily the most glamorous black tie charity event in the city this weekend: Heaven, a benefit for The Art of Elysium. This great organization was founded 10 years ago by the inimitable Jennifer Howell, is strongly supported by Balthazar and Rosetta Getty (wonderfully kind people), and brings actors, artists and musicians together with critically ill children to teach and encourage artistic self-expression as a therapeutic exercise: art, acting, comedy, fashion, music, radio, songwriting, and creative writing. Heaven was not only their biggest event, one of the only remaining “Golden Globes parties” given its proximity to the (canceled) Globes, but also a celebration of the charity’s first decade.

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12
Jan
08

Britney Spears & the Law of Attraction

The “Law of Attraction” principle posits that people’s feelings and thoughts attract real events in the world into their lives; from the workings of the cosmos to interactions among individuals in their physical, emotional, and professional affairs. – Wikipedia

My loneliness is killing me/ I must confess, I still believe/ When I’m not with you I lose my mind/ Give me a sign/ Hit me baby one more time/I don’t know how to live without your love/ I was born to make you happy/ You drive me crazy/ I just cant sleep/ I’m so excited, I’m in too deep/ Ohh…crazy, but it feels alright/ Baby, thinkin of you keeps me up all night/ You see my problem is this/ I’m dreaming away/ Wishing that heroes, they truly exist/ I cry, watching the days/ Can’t you see I’m a fool in so many ways/ But to lose all my senses/ That is just so typically me/ Baby, oh/ Oops!…I did it again/ Im a slave for you/ I cannot hold it/ I cannot control it/ Im a slave for you/ I wont deny it/ I’m not trying to hide it/ I need to make mistakes just to learn who I am/ And I don’t wanna be so damn protected/ There must be another way/ Cause I believe in taking chances/ But who am I to say/ What a girl is to do/ God, I need some answers/ There’s no escape/ I can’t wait/ I need a hit/ Baby, give me it/ You’re dangerous/ I’m lovin’ it/ Too high/ Can’t come down/ Losing my head/ Spinning ‘round and ‘round/ Do you feel me now/ And everytime I try to fly, I fall / Without my wings, I feel so small / I guess I need you, baby/ And everytime I see you in my dreams/ I see your face, you’re haunting me/ I guess I need you, baby/ I may have made it rain/ Please forgive me/ My weakness caused you pain/ And this song’s my sorry

I have seen The Secret about a dozen times or so, I’ve witnessed the power of manifestation from thought in my own life many, many times, and I believe we all have the power to manifest our destinies – and that includes Britney Spears.

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11
Jan
08

Video: The Famous Swing Where He Shot Himself

It’s time I post this video too. For those of you who don’t know the other ‘big’ story behind me: I was molested as a child from the age of 12 to 18, by my family’s attorney. It went on for so long because I was in love with him, and didn’t really realize that a crime was being committed against me, and – no matter how ‘normal’ it felt at the time – it was damaging my psyche in ways that would persist for years. I didn’t come forward about it for a number of reasons, the largest of which were humiliation, the fear of not being believed, having to explain my own complicity, and that I’d have to come out. The statute of limitations is 5 years for this crime. Which meant I had until my 23rd birthday to report what had happened to me. That day came, and passed.

When I began to hear about this happening to other boys, I decided to expose him. I filed a complaint which was picked up by the papers, and ultimately landed on the desk of Governor Jeb Bush, who called an investigation. In the course of the four year investigation, about 40 of us were discovered. All ages. Some of us were fine, some were a mess, some were institutionalized, some were incarcerated, a couple had committed suicide. The oldest of us was well into his 40’s. The youngest, a freshman in college. I was one of the luckiest ones.

Continue reading ‘Video: The Famous Swing Where He Shot Himself’

11
Jan
08

Video: The First Mechanical Bull Ride

Sam and I went to the L.A. Gay Rodeo in 2006. We rode the mechanical bull, and once I did, I was smitten. I had to do it again, and I would have right then and there, but this first ride made a blister on my right ankle the size of a silver dollar. Boots and jeans are required. It was the most fun I’d had in years and years. Right after, Sonny, a hot, flirty cowboy competing in the rodeo, sidled up and said, “If you ride like that, you should come ride with us in the Rodeo.” Full to the brim with adrenaline, that was all I needed to hear to sign up for the next rodeo. Sam? He was skeptical. He suspected Sonny was just trying to get us into the bunkhouse.

10
Jan
08

The Girls with Whom I’ve Had Sex

bpchair_solo.jpg

A blonde babysitter, 17, once when I was 12.

A redheaded girlfriend, 17, for a year, starting when I was 16.

A blonde college junior, 20, twice when I was 15 (we’d kissed when I was 13, and she was 18, but it was weird, for her).

A redheaded girlfriend, 16, endlessly at 16, for about four years, into college, some breaks, and once we had sex three feet from her sleeping sister, 15, blonde, but no, the sister didn’t get involved. She didn’t even wake up.

My girlfriend’s sister’s best girl friend, blonde, 15, twice at 16. (My girlfriend’s best boy friend, blond, 16, every two or three weeks, from 16-17.)

Two girls with the same name, at the same time, both 18, blonde and the first redheaded girlfriend above, a handful of times at 17. The blonde is now a lesbian. The redhead is now an Evangelical Christian who uses her faith to perpetuate hate.

Four girls from my high school I used to photograph, 16-18, regularly when I was 17, although I never photographed them nude.

Continue reading ‘The Girls with Whom I’ve Had Sex’

09
Jan
08

Brady Quinn Locker Room Scene

BQ QB

Last night, Sam and I fantasized about finding a solo, horned-up Brady Quinn in a locker room. It wasn’t the straight-QB-goes-gay-for-an-hour fantasy. The Mighty Quinn was into it… the boy had skills. I can’t speak for Sam, but for me it was as much about the caterpillar brows and the goofy-ass hair as it was about the tree-limb arms and the equipment you might expect on a boy that size.

Sam and I wish Brady Quinn were gay, and so does every gay man who’s ever seen a picture of him, and somewhere there’s a woman who’s thought of it, because evidently some straight girls get off on gay play. But I digress.

If he is, it’s his business, sure, and we won’t find out about it until after his first Super Bowl, but don’t get your hopes up boys and girls. As much as I hate to admit it, (and I really do), a few polo-clad, frat boy crotch grab photos don’t make him gay, and neither does his affinity for being a big, floppy-haired clown. Google “Brady Quinn gay” and get page after page of results citing speculation. The sports sites are the funniest because the readers and speculators are on fire. Titillated even.

It’s probably a good thing he isn’t, because we have a knack for manifesting stuff, and a gay, willing Brady might prompt a very interesting conversation. It’s that whole laminated list thing. No matter, because in our imaginations, anything’s possible.

08
Jan
08

Better Exhibitionism

Billy in the BathtubMy husband, Sam, once founded a magazine called HERO (here, and here), with his then-boyfriend, now friend, Paul Horne. It was there, in 2000 or so, that I actually met them for the first time. I was interviewing for a job as their circulation director. I had a boyfriend at the time, and during the interview I made a conscious decision not to stare too hard at my boyishly hot, dirty blond interviewer, Sam. That’s the meet cute.

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08
Jan
08

Music Review: Siouxsie Sioux, Mantaray

As a child of the 80’s, I approach any new recordings by 80’s artists with extreme caution. These people informed my musical taste, and they are iconic, if only in my mind, and I’d like to keep it that way. So, when I found Siouxsie’s Mantaray, and my friend Jonathan sent it to me, I was excited but worried. I’m not a die hard fan, but I still don’t want her embarrassing herself. Well, there’s no chance of that with Mantaray.

A lot of it is better than the Banshees stuff. I heaved a sigh of relief. She’s always better when she keeps it a identifiably melodic, and who isn’t? She’s at her best when there is big, trademark, warlike percussion behind her, and so she’s at her best here. Into a Swan is the radio single, and it’s a pretty good declaration (“I burst out, I’m transformed”) for a woman who has been a seminal influence on music since 1976 – that would be 32 years – longer than most readers of this review have been alive.

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07
Jan
08

This Woman’s Work

I’m lucky to have a truly remarkable relationship with my Mother. It’s so good that lately, I’ve gone from being to-the-bone grateful to feeling a little guilty.

Sam’s relationship with his Mom is strained, at best. The two of them are master fishermen who have created a knotted net so finely crafted, nothing can escape it alive – not even their own relationship.

Here’s the fresh catch, from my POV:
Sam was raised LDS as a small child until his parents divorced, and shortly thereafter. There was a brief second marriage, to a man who was apparently more smitten (and indeed questionably) with Sam than with his Mother. They divorced. The real irony here is that in some space between, Sam led his Mother to Jesus. A single Mother desperately trying to provide her son and herself with a stable family unit, she remarried, this time to a Catholic. The man adopted Sam, and made them adopt Catholicism, and then sired a child of his own: a half-brother to Sam. In spite of Sam’s Mother’s best intentions, Sam’s second-class stepchild status was made abundantly clear to Sam on various occasions. Add to this Sam’s burgeoning awareness of his being gay, and you have not only a great first act, but a recipe for disaster.

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07
Jan
08

The Presidential Candidates from Central Casting

Reading in bedWe like our Presidents to look like they came from central casting. Mitt Romney looks like every filmic President you’ve ever seen. Five years of White House stress and anxiety will put a Charlie Sheen weariness on his face like nothing else, and don’t you think he’s not counting on that. We also like them to be aging jocks, hunky daddies even, still married to aging, MILFy cheerleaders, both still fit enough for us to be able to squint and revisit their beauty, if only for a moment. We particularly love the big, seemingly cloned family, which somehow reassures us that there will always be lots of American varsity wet dream goo in our gene pool.

On that note, Bill Clinton has the hunky daddy thing down cold, and if that plainly phallic nose isn’t enough to set one speculating on size, one need only recall the sticky blue dress to be reminded of the Clinton virility. So far, those of us firmly in the Daddy Clinton camp have longed for those days so much that we transferred our lust onto the slightly dowdy, PE teacheresque Hillary. Sam and I really came to this realization this past weekend, when she got her ass handed to her by Obama. But no matter, because Mrs. Rodham is smart, good at volleyball, and no matter how quirky the ol’ gal was, we know that we owe a portion of our present health to something she instilled in us long ago when we were young and impressionable. Continue reading ‘The Presidential Candidates from Central Casting’




Billy’s Sorted Past

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