Your Way, My Way, and the Three Way

Dear Lovesick Billy, 

I read your blog about how you and Sam explore your fantasies, and wanted to bring something to you. My husband and I have a healthy sex life and have recently discovered that we are turned on by three-ways. We’ve had a couple of experiences and it was all good. We expected that we might feel jealous, but we didn’t. We had a great time. So is this something that you fantasize about, or have had experience with? We never really considered ourselves ‘swingers’, and aren’t really sure that’s the path we want to go. So while we feel like we’re in a good place about it, we’re still a little confused.Thanks,Confused in California

Dear Confused,There are as many different kinds of relationships as there are people.The short answer: take a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle of it. One one side of the line, write the names of all the successful threesomes you know. On the other side, write the names of all the successful twosomes you know.threearmhandcuff.jpgThe long answer is an ongoing discussion of what you and your husband are comfortable with, the boundaries you set, and how you would deal with the many uncomfortable emotions that three-ways reliably create (based on my experience). The long answer may never be complete. It may change with every encounter.There are couples who ‘trick’ successfully, and couples who enter into a polyamorous relationship successfully. I know only a few, and there aren’t a lot of public role models either. I’ve met hundreds of couples, gay and straight, in my lifetime, and I know of only one very, very successful open relationship between two men very much in love, and very sexually active, but their relationship wouldn’t work for Sam and me.I’ve had a few hot three-ways, and just as many terrible three-ways, so my net result is really a wash. So you’ll have to ask yourself, “is it worth doing?” It’s like an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, with a portal opened to another plane; you never know what’s been conjured or how it’s going to behave until you send it packing.The kind of honesty that you and your husband share is uncommon and you’re to be commended for it. Keep it up. Keep listening. Love each other. Consult a therapist, if you want to delve more deeply into threesomes and need guidance.And in the interim, I’ll see if I can’t find more examples of successful threesomes and bring them to you here. Did that answer your question? Oh wait, do Sam and I fantasize about three-ways? Sure, who hasn’t?  Doing them is something entirely different.

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