18
Dec
07

Ladies: Tim Ferriss is the Modern Man… and Single.

Tim Ferriss DancingTim Ferriss is kind of a big deal. Just ask him, or Sam. Sam is very single-threaded about Tim Ferriss right now. He’s the modern Prince of outsourcing, and evidently a good kisser. In much the same way as America has outsourced millions of jobs to countries with citizens who will happily work for peanuts, Tim outsources his life, and not just his work life, even dating:

“I hired virtual teams of people all over the world… to compete against each other and set dates for me on an online calendar… and there would be a $150 bonus to whichever team set the most good dates.“

There is nothing that money can’t buy. Finding a “date manager” to set up dates, and paying the guy a commission for each date he goes on. Why is this not the second oldest profession? Dating can be hell, especially for busy, high-value bucks like Tim Ferriss, but I say there is something to enjoying the process, meeting interesting (and not so interesting) people, maybe even making some platonic friends, and not being simply focused on the goal. Maybe I’m just luckier at love, since I’m happily married to Sam, a genuine all-around. So anyway back to Tim. Evidently the date managers filled up his datebook pretty quickly, because later he made an online appeal to his readers to come up with the best date ideas for under $500, and in return for readers’ romantic ideas, he generously offered some copies of his book to give as Christmas gifts – “some of them autographed.”

Hell, if it works out, I’m sure he knows exactly whom to hire in South Africa to find the best Kimberley diamond and ship it to Israel to be cut and set by the finest jewelers. This guy has it down. Then on to the wedding planner…

But this modern man doesn’t stop there. Tim’s most recent tentpole is the reclamation of the masculine ideal, or at least the reclamation of an article about the masculine ideal, is one “outsourced” from Esquire, entitled “Why I Started Punching Jerks Again,” and aiming to bring back the golden age of manly men with passages like:

“I think a little fisticuffs would do most men a world of good, giving options to the masses who put up with too much, consequences to loudmouthed idiots who would then think twice, and a release valve to a gender that otherwise comes up with far worse things to do to men, women, wives, and children.”

It’s interesting reading that really made me question why I’m not letting my dukes do more of the talking, and I think I even got a little aroused. But I digress. This topic really hits home with Tim, who describes himself:

“Born premature and small throughout school, I was on the receiving end of hazing for more than a decade, but I put up a good fight. Being small didn’t mean I couldn’t operate in a world with a line that, once crossed, meant you had to put up or shut up.”

I totally get it. Think Scrappy-Doo. Being held just beyond swinging distance with a hand to your forehead has to suck. I had a very similar experience, being called ‘fag’ pretty much daily through middle and high school, but again I must have been lucky, because never once did it ever come to blows, and actually I wound up befriending and non-violently winning the respect of every bully who ever gave me a hard time. Literally every one. No cowering. No forfeiture of lunch money. No fisticuffs. I believe nice guys finish first.

Maybe it’s because I was always tall, like Scooby-Doo, that I fared better, or maybe it was when they realized I was friends with all the hot girls, and could make introductions. No matter what it was, it’s just another part of my life for which I’m grateful.

I can’t imagine why Tim Ferriss hasn’t found the right woman (and he’s very, very clear about his ‘ladies only’ dating policy). I mean, he’s skilled in wrestling and ballroom dancing, has a degree from Princeton, a book on the NYT bestseller list, is a Glycemic Index researcher (so he can help you with your diet), an MTV breakdancer in Taiwan, an actor on a hit TV series in mainland China, he’s kinda hot, and knows how to throw down if you get disrespected.

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