04
Dec
07

How to Be Faithful.

Matt Titus on Huffington Post writes about a close encounter of the extramarital kind in his latest article, “How to Be Faithful”, and describes how he kept a lid on his libido and his latte, when temptation presented itself. He makes some good points, like: “think of what your life would be like without your current husband or wife”, “remember you took a vow”, and “fantasy is a good thing, as long as it doesn’t become reality”.

It’s like that fable about an old Cherokee chief teaching his grandson about life: the wolf that wins is the wolf you feed.

Faithfulness and infidelity in a relationship are wolves to be fed. We all notice people other than our mates, which is perfectly natural, but when that attention is disproportionately outward, instead of directed to your mate, take note of the wolf you’re feeding. Maybe your mate isn’t meeting your needs. Maybe you have an intimacy issue. Maybe you’re being boring with your mate, and looking for variety. The wolf will tell you.

Toward the end of our relationship, an ex of mine once said to me that I had an ‘air of availability’, and he was right. While I wasn’t looking for someone new, I was planning on a break up within the week. I never really knew what he meant by that ‘air’ until I witnessed it for myself at a later time. Like Meg Ryan says in You’ve Got Mail, it’s not necessarily someone else, but “the dream of someone else.”

So if you’re with one person and dreaming of someone else, don’t be surprised when your dream comes true. If you’re dreaming of sitting on the front porch of a lakeside cabin as the sun sets, and you take a hand in yours that you’ve been holding for the last forty years, you may see that all of the thoughts and dreams you have had of that very moment have brought you to it. After all, thoughts become things.

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