12 Gay Men to Run From

I’m unabashedly taking a cue from fellow lovesite, Tango, and their 10 Men to Run From – Not After, because the man-on-man dating landscape is just as treacherous, and filled with traps.  If you like to date just to date, and screw, consider this a walk down memory lane, and congrats.  You’re probably better at the delineation between tricks and boyfriends than I ever was.  If you date with an eye to commitment, monogamy, and a Crate and Barrel registry, take heed.  Here’s a list of whom not to do, based on my own experiences.

1. The Closeted: Apologies in advance, but dating a closeted man is the funny uncle to dating a married man.  It even feels pretty much the same, especially around the holidays, no matter how good and kind he is, or how he tries to make it seem otherwise.  (See also 2, and 3.)  Come out boys, it’s 2008.

From One *Former* Victim of Molestation to Another

In March, I wrote a post called “Pedophilia May Have Physical Causes“, and received the following comment:

I too was molested by my step father and the repercussions that it had created has not been a pretty picture. For the most part I function in society. I have been labeled hypo-manic depressive with a slight personality disorder…  I wonder why. My mother denied the abuse and for that she has been forever cut out of my life. The next time that I want to see them both is at their funerals. It has been many years and the hate and anger will not go away and it affects me on a daily basis. Do you have any advice? The experience has only led to worse things in my life (being raped 2 times) due to all the drinking to kill the pain. I have since stopped that all together… I really don’t want to go for a third time. I have tried counseling and well, it has gotten me nowhere. – Dexx36

This comment deserves more than just another one in return.  First, thanks to everyone who commented.  Sometimes the hardest declaration you can make is the one you alone can hear.

Here’s what has worked for me, Dexx: meds, therapy, the support of friends and family, and resolution, not necessarily in that order. 

Cleaning Up and Moving Toward Sanity

6:30am found me up, coffeed, and organizing the house.  Sam and I are equally chronic trail-leavers: cause for me to go from room to room asking, “Does this belong here?  Where does this belong?  Why the hell did I put this here?”  International power adapters don’t belong in a woven box with cuff links, although when I put them there, it seemed perfectly logical because the box was just the right size.  After re-placing about a dozen things, (feeling not unlike Wall-E) the questions and answers became a meditation, and I thought about the additional trouble I caused myself by just doing what I’d always done, without changing my behavior.

My Grandfather was right, all those times.  Put things where they belong, and you’ll always know where to find them.  To help us, he

Sam Page’s Guide to Los Angeles, on Gay.com

Gay.com writer, Josh Rotter, recently interviewed Sam for his guide to Los Angeles. It’s interesting, even to me, to see what spots he likes best and why. I have to give him his due: for a guy who, three years ago, didn’t know there was life east of La Brea, he has become a pretty big advocate of the east side.

Below is a taste, and here‘s the rest (which also includes some rare photos you might not have seen).

What are some great restaurants for a romantic gay date in Los Angeles? What about these restaurants appeals to you?

10 Things I Should Have Been Taught in High School

1. Fools usually want to be fooled.
2. The road to hell is paved with credit cards.
3. Exercise and flossing are a pain in the ass, but they beat obesity and food through a straw.
4. Go to college. Period. It makes up for the shitty education you got in grade school, and besides, you’re not as grown-up as you think you are.
5. It’s up to you, and not your parents, what you major in, compete in, and put your dick in.
6. Trust your instincts, and hone them with the mistakes you make by not trusting them.

Your Sex Tool Box, Part 2 – The Intermediate Stuff

Okay, so now you have your tool box ready to go with the basic stuff. What’s in your tool box is up to you of course, as an expression of your individuality, but here are a few suggestions.

A Leather Blindfold
This is by far the most valuable item in the box. Sensory deprivation is

Your Sex Tool box, Part 1 – The Basics

There’s an ominous looking black steel tool box in our bedroom. We bought it to centralize all the sex stuff and free up some space in our nightstands. It’s locked so that anything inside doesn’t scare the cleaning lady. It’s the sex toolbox, and you should have one.

Choose a good-sized tool box, because once you start with this it’s going to be fun and you’re going to need space. Choose metal. Plastic toolboxes may interact with lubes, poppers, and dildos the way rubber worms used to melt into the trays of that tackle box you had as a kid. Make sure you have a home for it that is convenient and practical. Buy some felt dots for the bottom of it if you have hardwood floors. Trust me. Here’s what goes in it:

Define Yourself Above the Waist: A Primer for Coming Out

I know a lot of people struggle with ‘the closet’. I know that coming out can be a very big deal, and certainly, coming out in a small town is very different than coming out in a major metropolitan area, where the LGBT help make the city tick, but a lot of these blogs are written by men in NYC, LA, Chicago, Miami, where we gays aren’t a novelty. Just the same, the writers act as if they’re the first homo on Earth, and nobody else could possibly understand how difficult it is for them. Bullshit. We’ve all done it.

I’d like to offer some unsolicited coaching.

Oops! Chlamydia at 15?

Dear Billy, my 15-year-old daughter has chlamydia. We have learned this because her boyfriend has it. We’ve had some conversations about sex, but clearly more of those are in order. If this were your daughter, how would you deal with it?

He’s Stopped Calling

When we were at the Gay and Lesbian Wine Club last night at Heritage Wine Company, I met a guy we’ll call Dirk, who had a question for Lovesick Billy:

So I’ve been seeing this guy for a couple of months. We’ve reached the point where I go to his house and just enter without knocking. I stay over sometimes. He’s 42, and I’m 28, and he says that’s an issue for him. Even still, it’s been going well, we have agreed to be exclusive, and we do something together a few times a week, but this past week, he has stopped communicating. I sent him a text message on Friday, and he hasn’t returned it yet. Is he just playing games? Should I keep texting him?